You Must Be Smart

It's weird to think about, but it's time I start focusing. The MEPN program begins in three weeks and the amount of change, work, growth, excitement and exhaustion that awaits me still doesn't feel real. The transition process has assisted the impending change to sink in. Friday was my last day of work and today I relished sleeping in (until 8:30 am) and then I had a fun day around the city, including going to SFMOMA. Methinks this won't happen as much over the summer, while in school. I (think I) have all my books for the summer quarter, which are lined up on my bookshelf as a bound reminder of: a) how much studying I will do, and b) how heavy my bag will be going to and from school. Last week was my final group fitness class at my Oakland gym...I really enjoyed the class and my instructor.  We talked after class and she asked where I was going to nursing school. When I said UCSF, she said "oh, you must be smart." That sort of hit me by surprise. But it did help me reconcile the internal process I have been on (for so long) to discern nursing is for me and gain acceptance to my 'dream' program with the impressions and assumptions others have about the profession and institution I am about to join. I do think that the UCSF School of Nursing will provide a really stimulating environment for learning and professional development. I also look forward to bonding with and learning from my classmates, many of whom seem very driven, motivated and excited. We apparently also have a "MEPN Buddy", someone who has already completed the MEPN year and can share with us helpful insights and strategies (like, "where is the bathroom" and "how do I do this program?").  Those will probably be some of my first questions whenever she or he (likely she, the program is 85%-90% female) contacts me. Until I hear from my buddy and begin orientation with a TB mask fitting, I will be enjoying my freedom and quieting my pre-MEPN anxieties by going to my homeland...the bucolic Midwest. I think the prairie and lakes will do me good and I'm glad I made the choice to go back home before this all starts. But, then again, I shouldn't be surprised; of course I planned it all out superbly. After all, I am smart.

Sticker Shock

This past weekend was sunny-warm in SF, the kind of weather that people who don't live in California think we have all the time (if you don't live in the Bay Area, in sum, it's foggy and cool mostly).  Some people I know spent the day picnicking, at the beach, at the park or otherwise outside.  I got CPR certified. It really is nothing to complain about.  The class seemed like one of those discount, not-too-serious formalities considering he didn't have most of the supplies (like infant dummies or breathing masks) and we got out 2 hours early.  It worked out because I've been certified bunches (I was a lifeguard after all) and his bare-bones class was sufficient for me.  Or so I say now.  Foreshadowing?  God, I hope not.  Anyway, at one point our instructor asked what "shock" was.  If I was still in my "Anatomy and Physiology consumes my every waking thought" year, I'd have regurgitated something about insufficient blood flow.  Instead, I immediately thought of my reaction to the MEPN cost of attendance notice.  Maybe for shits and giggles, or more likely because of UC budget problems and the general state of disarray that is the California budget, our fees went up.  Not like $1k or $2k as in previous years, but $7k.  I mean, at some point another $7k in loans seems inconsequential, but then I remember what I could buy with that extra $7k and I get a little resentful.  Fortunately, UCSF hosted some totally worthless funding seminar that provided the same information I read online (actually, the information they provided was wrong...gold stars all around!).  So, I already knew it.  Well, I knew the right information.  They made shit up.  I eventually got over my sticker shock though because I got to almost half my 'cost of living' loan thanks in (tiny) part to my savings but mostly because I live in a shoe box studio THAT I SHARE.  Whatever, we have a couch.  My shoe box is fly, like a G6.  Sort of.  The conclusion I came to is that I'll only eat recession-buster small plates and drink prison wine until I graduate.  Cheers!

PS. Happy Cinco de Mayo

My Chariot

So, today going to work, five minutes into my commute I could tell I was going to have one of those I hate everyone transit commute days. Come on, people, learn how to act.  If you've never ridden MUNI, get ready. If you're currently waiting for MUNI, um, good luck. In any case, it reminded me of one thing I'm really excited for about going to UCSF for, which is totally unrelated to the actual top-notch learning I get to do: the UCSF shuttle system!!! Even though I have yet to actually ride the shuttle, I am already positive it is my own, personal chariot. Sure, I can share it with others. But it's so plush, and efficient and drama-free (most of the time), that I just can't wait to take it.  I created this picture to express my dreams and aspirations for riding the UCSF shuttle to/from home/campus/clinical sites. I mean, MUNI charges me $2 to burrow my way on board just to then try to hang on for dear life as it jolts away (assuming the bus even comes or stops for me. Big assumption.). Plus, see above links for the kind of crazy you risk by being on board. But my chariot? It's free! Well, free because I will have already paid one trillion dollars in tuition.  But free! I simply cannot wait. In the mean time, I might channel my MUNI frustration into creativity. Maybe.

Live the dream

In about two months I will head to orientation to begin becoming a nurse. One of my friends famously said on a first date that one of the things she is best at is making her dreams come true (accurate assessment on her part). Well, attending UCSF in the Masters Entry Program in Nursing (MEPN) kinda makes me think I am developing that personal quality as well. I can remember the first time I read about the program, like five years ago (!!), while distracting myself at one of what was to be a few not-so-awesome jobs. I recall thinking to myself "whoa, that's what I want to do. like, for real". For a long time, nagging voices in my head convinced me that I could never  become a UCSF-trained nurse practitioner because: I wasn't smart enough, I got that C in 9th grade biology (that's still true), had a fun / silly liberal arts bachelor's degree and no prerequisite courses, was already going to graduate school and once was enough, had never been nor did I live remotely close to California, but most of all, that  I'D NEVER GET ACCEPTED. So, I instead focused on other activities and opportunities, just to be totally, surprisingly overwhelmed by an intense desire (panic) to pursue nursing (at UCSF because it's the only place I wanted to be and subsequently the only place I applied) whenever I thought I'd found my path. Using the strikethrough function really is a lot more efficient way to demonstrate the hard work, crazy choices, gutsy moves and lots of time it really took to get where I am. And now, there is so much ahead! I'm still working on a new list of things to cross off, like not being shy about telling people I'm going back to school or that I already have graduate degrees. Oh yeah, there is that whole 1-year RN boot camp part plus 2 years advanced practice study. But honestly, it's mostly just awesome. As another close friend told me, when I slyly mentioned in an email to him that I was going to UCSF to become a nurse and then nurse practitioner, just like I had been saying I wanted to do every time we drank beer together for like the last 5 years: "LIVE THE DREAM". (he did write that in all caps in his email. fitting.) So, here I am, living in my tiny, San Francisco shoebox apartment 2.3 miles from campus. With my acceptance letter to UCSF. My stethoscope for clinicals purchased. Feeling so ready to begin and that this is just so right. I keep thinking of what my favorite character in my favorite movie says in (one of) my favorite scene(s):

Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.